I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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