Already got asked if we're dating
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
