Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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