omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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