i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
