Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I looked at my own cervix.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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