The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
