Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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