when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize