Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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