you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
