Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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