Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
