are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
