$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
