hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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