um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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