Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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