Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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