oh god the rape fog is back!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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