I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
