You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
