I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
