so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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