3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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