What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize