I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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