yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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