Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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