im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
