Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
