He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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