i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
