I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
