Where is the hickey?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
