Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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