looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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