Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
