It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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