Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
