What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
