My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
