Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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