just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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