mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
