don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
