i love accidental penises.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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