so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
