I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
