and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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