note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
