oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?