Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Farmville is her only friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
