dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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