Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.