Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???