its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree