I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry about my life...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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