I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably