just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn