i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
