i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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