some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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