She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
