Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
