dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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