every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
