I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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