you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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