you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize