I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize