Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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