I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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