Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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