it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
