so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
