Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
