I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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