dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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