I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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