It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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