The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
