Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize