Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
